


The Boy Who Died/The Man Who Lived

by anonymoussaturday



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Greek and Roman Mythology, The Iliad - Homer, The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Doctor Who Fusion, Alternate Universe - The Song of Achilles Fusion, Ancient Greece, Angst, Arrogant Achilles, Does everyone live?, Fluff, Interfering TARDIS, M/M, OOC Patroclus, Patroclus is the best thing that ever happened to him, Romance, TARDIS - Freeform, Time Travel, Trojan War, Troy - Freeform, Violence, War, at first only, idk - Freeform, lolol, not rated R for now, prepare yourselves for some smut, we will see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-02-28 10:05:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18754231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymoussaturday/pseuds/anonymoussaturday
Summary: That time the TARDIS refused to cooperate and ditched the Doctor in Troy (Does anyone even want a Doctor Who/TSOA crossover?) (idek).





	1. Oh My God Doctor!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys hope you enjoy this weird fanfic!!!1!!!11! Idek know how or why this came to be but here it is. I'm going to try my best to update once a week excluding next week because finals yaayyyyyyy (jk)! Also, I've never written anythn with multiple chapters before so bear with me ples. Anyway, let's do this! (Does anyone get the title btw?)

PATROCLUS

“Oh my God, Doctor! Didn’t you say you were in control of the situation!” I shrieked amidst the vehement shaking of the TARDIS.

“Don’t worry Patrick! I know exactly how to fix this!” The Doctor proceeded to pull a random (“Nothing I do is random! Everything I do is precisely calculated!”) lever causing the TARDIS’ doors to swing wide open.

“This is what you call calculated?!” I sobbed, clinging onto the edge of one of the control panels as the TARDIS hung horizontally from the sky, trying to shake us out. 

“We really need to have a conversation about your recent mood swings,” the Doctor yelled at the TARDIS, completely frustrated (an emotion that was kind of out of place in the current situation), her hold on the lever vice-like. “You can’t keep deciding where to go next by yourself, it’s supposed to be a collaborative activity!” 

The TARDIS shuddered in response. 

“Fine, but this is the last time!” The Doctor let go of her grip on the lever, and as she fell through the doors, her yells echoed throughout the control room: “Pat, just let go!”

I was really starting to contemplate my life choices. How did I even end up ‘travelling’ with the Doctor anyway? Me. Out of everyone on Earth. Out of everyone in the whole universe. And the Doctor settled on me. 

So, keeping all that in mind, I took a deep breath and “just let go”. If I didn’t trust the Doctor with my life and dignity (she got ahold of my first-time-in-drag pictures and hasn’t posted them on my Instagram yet) (she knows my password and uses it as constant blackmail), I definitely would not have let go. But I did, so I let go. Not my smartest decision to be honest– falling through the sky with no parachute or safety net to rely on was traumatizing. 

Admittedly, it was only a couple metres of sky and we did fall into a body of water. 

As soon as I hit the water though, I started flailing around – my overactive imagination going haywire. You know when you’re swimming in the ocean and it’s too deep so you can’t really see the bottom? And then you start imagining all sorts of things swimming under you trying to take a bite out of your legs. That was basically me right now. It was constant trauma on top of trauma. 

What really didn’t help either was the fact that I wasn’t the greatest swimmer. I always tried to shirk off swimming classes during PE, usually through the method of a doctor’s note smuggled out of my dad’s office and an unconvincingly fabricated signature. 

I was regretting that now. 

I stopped spasming about for a second and spotted the Doctor a few metres away. Desperation forced me to try to doggy paddle towards her blonde bobbing head. The only thing distracting me from a full-blown panic attack was the I’ll Make a Man Out of You song from Mulan – especially the “now I really wish that I knew how to swim” part. Kinda weird, but yeah. 

“Doctor!” I screeched, trying not to swallow the salt water and obviously failing because why shouldn’t I suffer even more than I already was. “Doctor help me! Ples don’t let me drown, I don’t wanna drown!” This part sounded more like a gurgle because even more water was flooding into my mouth.

“Don’t be so melodramatic, Pat,” the Doctor yelled back. “First of all, you’re not going to drown. Stop thrashing about for a bit and you’ll see for yourself. Second, the shore is right there!” the Doctor gestured towards the beach’s general direction.

Why was life such a struggle? I should’ve been lounging on a sun bed soaking in the harsh rays of a binary star system and burning myself to a crisp in the process. I should’ve been making up for the summer vacation I missed while forcibly working at my dad’s pediatric clinic. Don’t get me wrong, I loved working at the clinic. But as a fresh high school graduate I desperately needed a break. Plus, I felt like I was done padding up my resumé for the moment: I mean, I already got into med school. 

Through the mess that was my swimming, I didn’t realise that my feet had already touched the sandy bottom of the sea. And as I waddled the rest of the way to the beach, I felt like I could cry with relief. 

As soon as I reached the shore, I collapsed onto the sand feeling utterly drained and way too traumatized to function. That was too much. 

The Doctor obviously got there before me, and so as soon as she saw me throw myself onto the beach, she walked up to me, grabbed my arm and pulled me up making me groan. Like, no sis. I need to process what just happened. 

“I got you, Pat.” She smiled at me, “There you go. See? You made it!”

“Yeah I guess,” I said.

“Now we just need to figure out where we are, I mean, we’re definitely not on E-75,” the Doctor stated, looking around. 

I looked at her incredulously, “What makes you think that? Is it because there’s only one sun in the sky or is it the fact that your fucking TARDIS went MAD and tried to KILL US!” I snapped as my arms gesticulated frantically.

“She’s not gone mad! She just has a mind of her own sometimes,” the Doctor replied distractedly. 

Oh my god, why isn’t she paying attention to me! I mean, yeah, she does that sometimes, but like, no! Not now, honey. 

The more the Doctor walked around, observing things and jabbing them with her stupid sonic screwdriver, the more irritated I got. And that irritation quickly bubbled into hysteria.

“Oh my God! What are you even doing?!”

The Doctor quickly brushed me off and said, “Alright, so, we’re still on Earth. Possibly somewhere in the Mediterranean – judging by the surrounding flora. I haven’t figured out what century yet; could be anytime really. I don’t see any resorts or sun-tanning humans, so I’m going to assume we’re somewhere in the distant past. That’s the thing with islands like this though, their composition rarely changes, so it’s hard to tell.”

“Wowow, oh my god that’s so helpful.” Flinging my arms in the air, I continued, “Like, we’ve landed in the past – basically marooned – on a deserted island, with no supplies or food or any sign of life, and you think we’re in the past?!! I thought you were a genius Doctor! Like, you were a queen to me. You’ve seriously let me down. I can’t even believe you right –!” 

“ – Pat! Behind you!”

I shrieked and ran over to the Doctor, cowering behind her small frame. 

Obviously, when someone says something like that, you have to assume the worst, right? Like a giant spider or the Silence. What I didn’t expect though, was a guy in bronze armor wielding a mean looking sword.

And let me tell you, he was a snacc (disregarding everything else obviously). 

“Who are you?! How did you get here?!” yelled the guy, eyes glowing fiercely. 

The Doctor briefly glared back at me before turning her attention to the young soldier while pulling out her psychic paper, “I’m the Doctor and this is Pat.”

The soldier stepped a bit closer. He had this shiny black hair that tumbled to his shoulders in inky waves. My hair was this dull brown color and was too curly to deal with, so I was pretty jealous of his. 

Looking at the paper in bewilderment, he said, “You’re members of the circle of healing?!” 

Ahaha, what?

“Exactly,” the Doctor nodded with confidence. “We were beckoned here by your leader. Who are you?”

“I’m Automedon,” the guy hastily replied, “Follow me quickly! You’re needed in the physician’s tent!”

The physician’s tent?

“Doctor,” I whispered pulling at her cardigan, “I’m super confused.”

“Shut up, Pat. One wrong move and they’ll probably turn us into slaves.”

“What the fuck! Why?”

“Just trust me. I think I know when we are.”

I just kept looking pathetically at the Doctor as Automedon rushed us off the beach.


	2. Mama Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to my beta Bluebelle for helping me edit my work!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally uploading chapter 2! I should be uploading more consistently now that summer's started, so expect a chapter a week hopefully? Anyway, enjoy!!!!

PATROCLUS

The beach the Doctor and I swam to was right in front of some big, sandy hills, so we didn’t notice the huge cavalry of soldiers situated right behind it. I felt like if we had noticed, we would’ve been able to pinpoint when we were a long time ago.

Also, strangely enough, Automedon didn’t seem to be fazed by our clothes? Obviously we didn’t have time to change into something more appropriate because, once again, we were supposed to be in a binary star system and not on Earth in the middle of an ancient (Roman? Greek? Honestly, I don’t give a fuck) settlement.

After a long and pretty awkward silence (all I could hear was the squishing of my soggy sneakers as we walked along the sand), Automedon exclaimed, “Thank Zeus you came! We were beginning to think that we had lost all favor with the Gods!”

Automedon looked a lot younger than I initially thought (now that I had the time to gawk at his hotness). He might actually be younger than me! I don’t know how that worked though, because first of all, he towered above both me and the Doctor (but that doesn’t really say much on account of us both being smol, it looks better on the doctor though), and second the body on this guy didn’t really scream pubescent teenager – sis was ripped.

The doctor caught me staring at Automedon, so she jabbed me with her elbow, causing me to hunch over in pain.

It was a pretty hard jab, like I felt actual pain. What the hell, Doctor?

I glared at her and she just shot me a knowing smirk.

“That was uncalled for!” I hissed at the Doctor.

“There’s a time and place for your ogling, Pat,” the Doctor whisper-laughed.

“What!?” I sputtered in embarrassment, also whispering. “Um no, lol, haha what? I’m not, lol.” Oh my god, why am I like this?

As I shuffled along the sand awkwardly (away from the Doctor) my gaze shifted back towards Automedon and I realized that the back of his neck and ears were bright red. Oh noooo, he heard us.

Oh my god, why was the Doctor like this? Sis was constantly putting me in embarrassing situations! For example, a few months ago, the Doctor decided to take me to the Rings of Akhaten for the annual temple festival (the one where little girl priestess sings the sun god to sleep). At some point during the festival, we were walking in the market. I was obviously awestruck by everything I saw, particularly this one stall that sold some really cool jewelry. I stopped at it to admire the pretty gems, but the Doctor interpreted my actions as trying to flirt with the stall vendor or something because she tried to set me up with it. It being the stall vendor, a gelatinous creature that was somehow sentient? But, yeah.

The Doctor grinned at Automedon’s obvious discomfort and asked, “What happened here? Why is our help needed?”

Automedon stopped and turned to look at us with a puzzled expression, “You don’t know?”

“The circle had no time to brief us. They said the mission was super urgent and that we had to leave as soon as possible. So, tell us everything,” the Doctor replied.

“Okay. Well, King Agamemnon (that dumb fuck) took the daughter of a priest of Apollo as his bed slave and refused to give her back. So, Apollo sent down a plague to teach him, and in extension all of us, a lesson,” Automedon said as we approached the camp. “And here we are. You better have tough stomachs because you’re about to see some nasty shit.”

And as we entered the camp, I got a whiff of what Automedon was talking about, and let me tell you – honey, hooonnneeeyyy. No. Just no.

There were people sprawled around the sand puking their guts out, others were shitting their guts out, and others were even shoving corpses into burning pits.

I was too distracted (and appalled) by everything around me that I accidentally collided into someone. And when I looked up to apologize, I flinched back, instantly horrified. The man I bumped into was covered in boils and sores that were an angry red and oozing with yellow puss.

I jumped away and ran towards the Doctor, clinging to her arm. I never really thought that humans could live in a state of such abject squalor. I mean sure we learned about the old workhouses in school, and I assume the conditions were pretty similar, but learning about something like this in a controlled, classroom environment and actually experiencing it were two very different things.

“I thought you were used to this Pat?” The Doctor teased. I could tell she was trying to lighten the mood because she was looking around the camp with a solemn expression.

“How would I be used to this? Dealing with a few sick kids isn’t – “, I gestured around, “– like dealing with this!”

“Yeah. Well, we’re just going to have to make do. They need our help and we’re going to give it to them,” the Doctor said.

 

After the longest and most traumatizing two minutes of my life (which consisted of Automedon awkwardly maneuvering us around the maze of tents and sick soldiers), we finally arrived at the physician’s tent.

Tossing the tent flap open, Automedon walked in with us following closely behind, “Machaon, I brought reinforcements!”

We were greeted by a huge, middle-aged man who was probably Machaon. No joke though, is everyone here built like a brick house? Oh my god.

Whipping out her psychic paper, the Doctor shoved it at Machaon and said, “I’m the Doctor and this is Patrick –“ I waved my hand awkwardly, “– and we’re here to help!”

“A woman doctor? We’ll see about that,” Machaon grumbled. “And I’m not so sure about this kid,” he said pointing at me.

Okay, no.

“Umm, excuse you?!” I stepped towards Machaon, absolutely not having it. “Why do you have to be so sexist? I’ll have you know that the Doctor is the best doctor you will ever come across. She’s a queen at what she does, and I bet she’s a million times better than you and your shitty attitude. Also, you shouldn’t underestimate my skills, I’ve had quite a bit of experience dealing with stuff like this – ” which was a blatant lie, but who cares. I took a deep breath and continued, “– and, I’m sorry sis, but how do you expect to treat anyone in these conditions? Nothing is sanitized, soldiers are packed into cots like sardines, and also, who is we? I only see you.”

After taking another deep breath, I realized that my little rant rendered the tent completely silent. Like, even the sick soldiers stopped coughing.

Wow, sis really went off.

I noticed the Doctor smiling at me, and so I proudly smiled back.

“Um, I’m we,” a gruff voice came from behind me, effectively breaking the awkward silence and interrupting my intimate moment with the Doctor.

I turned around, annoyed, and another middle-aged man, that looked a lot like Machaon, stood at the entrance of the tent carrying two buckets.

“You sure took your time,” Machaon sighed in relief. I bet he was glad for the distraction. He then shifted his attention back to us, “This is my brother, Podalirius. He helps around here sometimes but he’s never received proper physician’s training, so don’t expect too much of him.”

Podalirius growled in irritation as he walked in, placing the buckets at his brother’s feet, “Well, seeing as you now have ‘proper’ physicians, you won’t be needing me anymore.”

“No, we’ll probably need you to fetch some more clean water at some point,” the Doctor said, stopping Podalirius in his tracks, “after all, we ‘proper’ physicians will be too busy dealing with more serious stuff,” the Doctor’s lips curled into a mischievous smile.

Mama’s got attitude.

The Doctor’s words agitated Podalirius even more, but he just gritted his teeth, clenched his fists, and said “Fine,” seemingly aware of the gravity of the situation.

“Alright then,” the Doctor nodded, pulling her sonic out of her cardigan’s pocket, “let’s get started.”

 

Despite the initial panic and confusion at the Doctor’s sonic screwdriver, the rest of the day ran pretty smoothly. The Doctor took lead of everything, obviously, and while I was busy sanitizing equipment, Machaon tended to the steady stream of sick soldiers, Podalirius fetched numerous buckets of clean water, Automedon collected the manifold supplies that the Doctor asked for, and the Doctor made an antibiotic (don’t ask me how she managed to do that, she just did).

And as the day went by, Machaon, Podalirius, and the patients got used to the Doctor’s and I’s weirdness (both our odd clothes and the different way we talked), content with the fact that the injections we administered seemed to calm their fevers and slow down their vomiting.

By the time the sun set, most of the living soldiers had heard of the miracle being performed by the new healers and had come into the tent at some point or another for treatment.

I was kept super busy and so forgot to ask the Doctor where we were and what time period the TARDIS got us stuck in, but I was snapped out of my musings as a wrinkly, old man walked in and cleared his throat.

“The prince wishes to meet the two new healers and thank them for their efforts in helping his soldiers,” the old man said, the saggy skin of his face and neck kind of jiggled as he talked which distracted me to no end to be honest. “If you will please follow me,” he looked at the Doctor and I before he turned and walked out of the tent, expecting us to follow him.

“The time has come!” the Doctor said, giddily. “We’re finally going to meet him!”

“Meet who?” I was beyond puzzled at the Doctor’s strange behaviour.

“The greatest warrior who ever lived: Aristos Achaion.”

Um, okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg Achilles and Patroclus are finally gonna meet next chapter yay! Anyway, have you guys seen RuPaul's Drag Race season 11 finale?? I just watched it, and like I'm kinda deceased, no spoilers or anything but I'm so excited about the winner! What do you guys think?


End file.
